Chotto Ippuku
by Kyone
Summary: SO3 Just a series of short stories on those wonderful NPC inventors that you either love or hate.
1. If You Give a Drunken Man Cider

Chotto Ippuku

Chapter 1: If You Give a Drunken Man Cider

Damda Mooda's cooking went, in general, one way or another. As one might put it, when it was good, it was decent, and when it was bad, it was deadly.

The basic problem was not that he just couldn't cook (much like a certain Menodix that shall go unnamed), nor was it the fact that his wife was to blame (which isn't much of a fact, for his wife was dead and he probably thought she was just on a long vacation).

In fact, there was only one problem, and, as luck would have it, it took him forty years to notice.

It was the cider.

Drinking too much or too little (by dependency's standards) caused his hands to shake, and he'd mess up the measurements. Whether this was for better or worse really depended on the recipe.

After yet another mistake resulting in him spending a full night praying to the porcelain god, he decided it was time to fix this problem.

Unfortunately, the Elicoorian version of Alcoholics Anonymous was non-existant. So he got drunk that night.

The next day, he woke up hungover and created another nasty (and potentially deadly) dish. To distract himself from the pain, he got drunk. Again.

When he woke up, he threw the cider out the window (luckily it only hit Sophia), vowing to never drink again. Feeling better, he finally made something good.

In celebration, as was expected, he got drunk after finding another bottle of cider.

By then, he'd fallen into a predictable pattern, one that can be described as follows:

If you give a drunken man cider, he'll want more.

And more.

And more.

And more…

-

Completed: 1.31.05

Yay for pointless SO3 fics. I just love the NPC inventors, so I had to write about them (in the order they appear in in the game guide). Ya, if you could tell, I'm really not a big Sophia fan. She just kinda…scares me. 0.0

Anyway, I don't own SO3. Thanks for reading, and please review. Ja!

Kyone


	2. Unholy Creations

I'm extremely sorry I didn't post it sooner. Honest, I am. I have quite a few excuses as to why I didn't get this up sooner…and some of them may even be true! I'm also sorry about the large amount of parentheses in this as well. Sorry!

I still don't own SO3...sorry about that...not!

Chotto Ippuku

Chapter 2: Unholy Creations

The temple at Arias was dark. This was not an oddity, nor was the fact that it was also gloomy, run-down, and all sorts of crappy. Of course, the fact that it was lacking a certain priestess…well, that was a different story.

And the fact that it was lacking a certain priestess was enough to account for a lot of the doom-and-gloom feeling. (The rest could be blamed on the war.)

Then again, things were better for Milenya over in (insert city/town/village's name here). She had a job, money (which was actually Fayt's), and shelter.

So the skilled compounder/compoundress was able to work with what she wanted along others like her. And although things were dandy at first, they soon went sour.

The minor setback was when people kept calling her a witch. And they didn't just do this behind her back, oh no…they called her a witch to her face, top of her head, or anywhere below, depending on height.

For the first few weeks, Milenya bore this calmly, as she was trained to all those years ago. But as time went by, he anger boiled up…like witches' brew.

Then one day…she snapped. She walked all the way to her workshop, giggling insanely, and drawing a few extra stares.

As she mixed together gratuitous amounts of various (not to mention random) ingredients, she began forming a plan. She would create a poison and pass it off as candy! And then she would give it to people! And _then_ she would make an antidote and give _that_ to people! They'd think she was a hero! And they would never call her a witch again!

The people that didn't die would be forever grateful…she could make them her servants…

She would show them all…

And then she stopped in the middle of stirring this potion. She'd had a thought.

What would happen if the people didn't take the poison? Even worse, what if they didn't drink the antidote?

As she finished this thought, a reaction between conflicting ingredients caused a rather violent explosion.


	3. One Time Thing

Chotto Ippuku

Chapter 3: One Time Thing

Mayu was in love. Again. She constantly walked around in a daze, found herself _completely_ botching recipes, and just plain acted like…a girl in love.

Which she was.

And sure, it may not have been considered a healthy crush, but were any? She was in love, and that was all that mattered.

After weeks on end of staring at him at work (and causing her recipes to become as dangerous as a certain Damda Mooda's), she finally decided she couldn't stand it anymore.

She'd write him a note.

So, she pulled out some "Lovely Stationary," (stolen from another video game, no less) and a pink pen (stolen from a five-year-old) and put pen to paper in…_the most idiotic note ever!_

All joking aside, her words flowed…as well as she could make them.

_I have admired you for the longest time, and would like you to meet me in the kitchen in the Kirlsa Training Facility tomorrow at six-o-clock tomorrow evening._

_Yours truly,_

_Mayu_

She sealed the envelope and wrote his name on it and left it where he worked and went to the appointed meeting place and waited and waited and waited and waited…

Well, an outstanding amount of "waitings" later, he came. The object of her affection.

The apple of her eye.

The cookies to her milk.

In all his wonderful, spirited glory, he stood there in front of her.

She felt a flutter in her heart and she swallowed hard. Then she opened her mouth and spoke.

"Excuse me, Mr. Killer Chef? Will you go out with me?"

* * *

Yeah, poor Mayu. Wonder what the kids would look like. Anyway, thanks to the six people who reviewed the first chapter when it came out, but _never came back._ Love ya. Really. And disclaimers are the same as in other chapters. Same story, people. 


	4. The Wicked Witch of Peterny

Chotto Ippuku

Chapter 4: The Wicked Witch of Peterny (Among Other Things)

What Eliza had told Fayt was that she needed money to take care of the family, that she wanted to try alchemy, that she still wanted to go to school.

And she said it with that adorable "deny-me-and-I'll-cry-right-here" tone of voice and facial expression (one perfected by both Peppita and Sophia). And, Eliza had thought with a slightly sinister giggle (after the blue-haired wonder had left, of course), he totally fell for it!

Now she was ten thousand Fol richer, and she was ready to alchemize!

She walked through the streets of Peterny, trying to find the workshop. Although it was basically a run-down shack with a stove and visitors/owners with a lot of money (i.e. Fayt and party), what Eliza saw when she looked at the Peterny workshop (once she found it) was a home away from home, a place where she could do what she wanted.

She flung open the door and was instantly greeted by a cloud of dust (of course, the clouds coming from her attempts at alchemy would be many times worse). She stepped through it, coughing, and nearly bumped into the island in the middle of the room. Eliza managed to get her bearings and make her way to the stove in the back corner. When she got to it, she was so happy, she could've kissed it. Instead, she settled for running her hands along its smooth surface, hardly able to wait. "I'll alchemize with you, my pretty," she cackled. "You and those nice materials, too!"

Fayt chose this exact moment to walk in to find the blonde doing a pretty decent imitation of the Wicked Witch of the West (more so because Oz was unheard of by Elicoorians).

Eliza jumped, stopped muttering. "Y-yes?"

"Um…I just wanted to say…good luck. I think you'll do fine."

She nodded the appropriate thanks and began setting up. To make her personality change complete, she began humming a happy little tune.

Just as Fayt left Peterny, a green flash (complete with smoke) lit up the sky. The Wicked Witch of Peterny, indeed…

* * *

Heh, sorry this took so long to post. In all actuality, I didn't have inspiration. I eventually found it in the form of SO3 manga. Yay! So I'll have the next ones up soon…next is Grats, the smithery dude. 


	5. If at First You Don't Succeed

Chotto Ippuku

Chapter 5: If at First You Don't Succeed…

He loved the feel of the steel of the armor, of the blade. He loved the heat rising from the fire that shaped his soon-to-be-masterpieces.

As the hammer punched another hole in the flimsy armor, Grats jumped, uttering a few words that would've made Mayu blush, had she been in the vicinity. The old man growled and kicked the armor, making his mood turn even more sour (and giving him a sore foot).

At the exact moment Sophia walked by, a suit of dented and hole-filled armor flew through the window and hit her in the head.

Either Grats chose to ignore this or simply didn't notice at all, but either way, he began anew, attempting to make a real steel beauty. He soon lost himself in the rhythmic pattern of creation and invention.

A while later, Sophia woke to the sound of another ruined armor shell flying through the window and landing right next to her. She breathed a sigh of relief and got up to go. Then the hammer came flying through the smashed window.

Meanwhile, Grats was stewing (quite literally, actually; he was next to the fire) over the fact that he could not do anything he tried to make turn out the way he wanted. Was it the steel? The temperature? The hammer?

No, he refused to believe any of this, failures be darned. He picked up a hammer from out of nowhere, held it up in a "hero pose," and promptly threw his back out.

Grats staggered over to the fireplace, got enough steel (taking him quite a few trips), and began anew. As he worked, he offered up various short prayers, and soon, something began to form.

Finally. It was finished. He looked it over, noting the smooth texture, the shine, the visible thickness, and no holes, cracks, or anything that would cause major problems later on.

He lifted it over his head (apparently his back was better for the time being and the purpose of the next part of the story) and rushed outside to show it off. The moment he walked out the door, the steel suit of armor promptly crumbled into 2,532,687 small pieces and 3 larger ones.

* * *

Kyone

5.11.05-6.26.05

I am really, really, really sorry for not getting this up sooner. I would have, but you know how crowded with work summer vacation is. I mean, seriously, it's, like, so busy, I can't even think. Okay, I lie. But I actually did type it up, as late as it was, and I did work hard.

And once again, I apologize for the continuous bashing of our poor Sophia. Really, I didn't want to, but the urge just overcame me. Okay, yeah, I'm lying. But if you like her, I did write a nice fanfic for her that's not bashing her. I actually pitied her enough to write a story about her. Yeah, it's true. Le gasp. So go read it.

And please review this load of junk as well.


	6. Dab, Stick, Repeat

Chotto Ippuku

Chapter 6: Dab, Stick, Repeat

A happy tune was coming from the windows of the workshop in Peterny. Birds were chirping, deerish creatures were leaping, things that looked like bunnies were being hunted for their fur…ah, it was a perfect day.

The author took that remark back as a piercing scream (one that had not only broken most of the windowpanes, but the fabled fourth wall, for the owner of the scream apologized to the author for making her take her remarks back after all was said and done, and usually, the authors know all) split the peaceful atmosphere.

"Oh, Apris," Stanice, the Featherfolk girl, gasped. "Oh no, not this…"

Yes, the unthinkable had happened. Our lovely Stanice had been crafting, minding her own lovely business, and when she turned, some of the feathers on her left wing (mainly on the lower portion, for those who either like detail or those who wouldn't have normally known) ended up being dunked in glue.

Another mistimed turn, and whatever she was making ended up stuck to her left wing (once again, the lower portion). At first, the Hawkwoman semi-knockoff didn't know where her invention had gone. Another half turn, and it hit her. Both figuratively and literally. "Ow!"

This moment was when the scream occurred (and shattered the windows and the poor fourth wall). "What am I gonna do?" she wailed, the misshapen piece of invention still attached and swinging.

Various ideas occurred to her in the next minute or so, ranging from 'I should hurry and find someone who will help and not find this incredibly hilarious,' to 'I want some ice cream.' The latter would not have helped much, but she was a birdbrain. Who knows what goes on in their little heads?

She didn't have to worry much longer, for a few seconds after the thought centering on ice cream had crossed her (little) mind, the weight hanging onto her poor abused feathers took its toll.

Stanice yelped as the block of half-shaped invention fell onto the ground, along with a few feathers, dropped onto the floor, but this soon gave way to cheers. As she jumped up and down, the other wing was dipped in the jar of paste. Another leap, and the table went with her.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

* * *

6.26-8.16.05

Well, this chapter was fun. As fun as the rest, but I dread the next one. I still don't have some of the inventors (including the next one), so I'll just be winging it. Yes, that was a bad pun. Do excuse my bad pun there. Also, please excuse the other bad pun where I used the term "birdbrain." I apologize to all you people who actually are birdbrained, but the apologies come among fits of laughter. Do enjoy.


	7. Insert Naughty Joke Here

Chotto Ippuku

Chapter 7: Insert Naughty Joke Here

From anyone's first look at Gossam, they would most likely say, based on stereotypes, that he was the type of old man who was much less an old wise man than an old weirdo, the type who would follow young women around endlessly (young being the main point; just about every single attractive female was a lot younger than him), and the guy who was pretty much a few bearded ladies short of a freak show.

All of these guesses were, in fact, quite correct.

Of course, as strange a man as he was, at least he was doing something to achieve his goals of being with almost every young woman he came across.

Not that it was actually working. Potions are incredibly difficult to make, and one of the most difficult was the famed "Potion of Youth."

Yes, this was Gossam's current reason for existing. Creating (and drinking) a youth potion. It doesn't sound too bad, until he'd give his reasons for wanting to create one. Unfortunately, the author of this story is not allowed to repeat them.

The youth potion was all he thought about all day, whether it be while eating, potion-making, looking at young women, and picking himself up off the ground after being beaten up by said women.

In fact, he was still thinking about it when he finally created a potion that didn't explode. The silence broke him off from his naughty thoughts. He looked at it strangely.

Nothing.

He poked it with the spoon.

Nothing.

He poured it into a cup.

Still nothing.

So he drank it.

He was starting to feel a bit strange…as if he was changing. And he didn't feel older, as he did after that disastrous last attempt. So he went out to test his new youth. Oh, if he'd only bothered to look in a mirror before setting out (I'd say it was a spoiler, but I never let stories like this end well).

He walked up to Target Numero Uno. Nice figure, medium-length blonde hair, green eyes. "Hello, there," he said, admiring his new young voice. "How about you and me…?"

She looked at him strangely for a few moments, and then walked away.

Okay, not to be discouraged, he set his sights on Number Two. Also a nice figure, long reddish hair, also with green eyes. "So, how are you tonight?" he asked, being as charming as he could. "You should spend the rest of your time with me."

She gave him the same look as the previous girl did, but then said to him, "Sorry, I don't swing that way."

Now it was Gossam's turn to look at her strangely. He then ran off to the fountain, getting a good look at himself.

He was a woman. And he…err, she wasn't any younger.

Oh well, maybe next time. If he wasn't too embarrassed to show his face ever again.

* * *

Kyone

9.27.05

Okay, big problem here. I have nine hundred-something page views and a grand total of twenty-one reviews. I also have one review for the last chapter posted. Come on, people. If this is the best I get, I might just stop here. I'm getting bored with writing this and getting next to nothing for feedback. I accept anonymous reviews, for you people who read and aren't members of the site. Come on, people.


	8. I Hear He's Not That Bad

Chotto Ippuku

Chapter 8: I Hear He's Not That Bad…

He sat in the library of Castle Aquaria all day. He didn't even seem to be reading anything, let alone practicing his skills at alchemy. In fact, all he seemed to be doing was sitting. Perhaps brooding, perhaps thinking of someone. But he was most definitely not reading. Or practicing. As was most definitely established already.

If there were any mind readers in the halls of Castle Aquaria, they would have known that the man was neither brooding nor thinking of someone. In all actuality, Mackwell, the man who could perfect a scowl and keep it on, who never smiled, was thinking about his numerous pet cats.

He had eight of these aforementioned cats, and he wuved them with all of his heart, yes he did! (For best results, insert manly squeals here.) In fact, he wuved Snuggles, Fluffy, Mittens, Snowball, Sooty, Peaches, Bubbles, and Cheese Puff. He wuved them all so much that he would often skip work just to be near them. The cats, on the other hand, were very catlike and didn't care either way. But Cheese Puff absolutely hated the man. Halfway because of her name, halfway because Mackwell was just plain scary.

It came as no surprise that Mackwell decided to smuggle his cats into the workshop one day. He hid them in his clothes, in a bag he'd never had before, anywhere he could. He let them out only after making sure that he was completely alone, and then began to work in the comfort of his cats. They tended to stay far away from him, though, being scared of the man and what his job was. He mixed and molded, his mind on things that weren't work, but rather things with seven stereotypical pet names and one just plain stupid one.

Because of this, it came as no big surprise when the whole workshop blew sky high. The cats were fine, though. No hard feelings.

* * *

Kyone 

1.29.06

I am so sorry. Really. It's been forever since I updated this story, and if you need to be violent to make yourselves feel better, go right ahead. Um…about this one. It just came out. If it's severely lacking, please tell me.

But I would like to mention that ever since I posted this story a year ago (the 1-year anniversary was, like, three days ago), there have been more inventor-centric fics. I like to think that I, a mere thirteen-year-old authoress (at that point, mind you), started this inventor boom, so it'd be nice to know. If any of you inventor writers got your inspiration from me, please let me know. I don't want credit, just to know I did something good.

Oya, do review. You already read, I'm sure, so telling you to read and review would be a tad redundant. So review.


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